


Holy Shit my Dick is Hard

by Zanthum



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Game, F/M, Oral Sex, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 23:04:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13421514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zanthum/pseuds/Zanthum
Summary: Dave has a really hard dick. Rose helps.





	Holy Shit my Dick is Hard

**Author's Note:**

> idfk how to write porn. I may or may not actually continue this. + Heavily inspired by an rp I had on MxRP (Msparp for you loyal deviants)

TG: rose you know how viagra says that if you have an erection lasting four or more hours youre gonna die or whatever

TG: shits made out to be like your dick explodes

TG: a la challenger explosion style

TG: were talking full on catastrophic failure of my cock here

TT: As much as I would love to hear you ramble for literal hours on end about how your dick is  
dying, I do have better things to be doing.

TG: first of all bullshit reading books is not better

TG: second of all im not joking at all here

TG: ive been rocking the hardon for the past four hours

TT: Well, I suggest you do as the commercials say. That is, go see a doctor about your Viagra. Perhaps this will serve as a lesson as to why you should not take medication you do not need. 

TG: as much as i would love to stun every doctor in the hospital with my massive cock

TG: i have taken approximately fuck all viagra

TG: or any medication that might do this

TG: as far as i can tell my dick has decided entirely at random that it is going to enter an erection marathon

TG: and its feeling like it will win

TT: Amazing.

TT: I assume you have tried resolving the issue yourself?

TG: yeah duh

TG: at first it was really cool

TG: like wow i can jerk off for like an hour no big deal

TG: but as it dragged on and on i realized i also couldnt finish

TG: which is obviously a big part of the whole ordeal

TT: Perhaps you could request another person’s assistance. Although you would have to sneak them in without mom noticing.

TG: like who??? jade????

TG: “yeah hey jade can you just come over and suck my dick real quick thanks”

TG: or really anyone for that matter

TG: even if i explain the fact that my dick is probably going to explode in some sort of mega  
meat volcano i doubt that anyone would believe me

TT: So, as an alternative you come to me, your own sister? Frankly I’m flattered, but incest is not high upon my list of things to try. Or men in general for that matter. Not to mention mom is still home, I doubt she would appreciate your squeals of pleasure if I were to touch your dick.

TG: ok wow i wasnt even thinking of you as an option

TG: and i have never squealed 

TT: Your response to my comment about touching your dick seems to ignore the fact that I stated you would gain pleasure from the experience. Is the one and only Dave Strider admitting to a secret fantasy of engaging in sexual contact with his sister?

TT: I must add this to your file, it is certainly a new development.

TG: woah woah woah no slow down there

TG: look you dont know the first thing about dicks if thats what you think this is

TT: Well please, educate me about dicks.

TG: ok so like

TG: dicks dont give a shit who the fuck it is

TG: like if i close my eyes it doesnt matter if its a hobo jerking me off 

TG: im still gonna have one hell of a happy dick

TG: thats why when dudes do dumb shit its called thinking with their dick

TG: it doesnt mean i like hobos it just means my dick likes being touched

TG: in the same way that if you touched my dick i would like it

TG: but not because youre my sister

TT: I am currently furiously scribbling in my journal about your repressed incestuous feelings. If it were not for patient confidentiality scholars everywhere would read my work and marvel at your mind. Well, if you don’t enjoy it because I’m your sister, and as long as this is for purely medical purposes I suppose I could help you.

TG: rose

TG: your jokes are really shitty i hope you know that

tentacleTherapist has disconnected

TG: rose? 

TG: god damn it 

TG: this is going to be fucking stupid

turntechGodhead has disconnected

Moments later Rose lets herself into Dave’s room, carefully closing the door behind her. The room is in a state of typical disaster, with Dave sitting in the middle of it all on the edge of his bed. When Rose enters he stands up, his boner making a clear tent in his pants.

“Rose, what do you think you’re doing? I can’t even begin to describe how many levels of fucked up this is if you aren’t joking.”

“No need, I’m fully aware of the situation. However, your safety is far more important to me than any social taboo surrounding the performance of sexual acts between siblings. And, if I remember correctly, you won’t enjoy this because I am your sister, but instead because your dick is being touched. Likewise I won’t enjoy this because I’m jerking you off but rather because you’re going to return the favor.”

Dave can only manage to stammer in disbelief at Rose’s proposal. If his dick were not already at maximum levels of erect, it would be now. Rose then approaches him, placing a hand on his chest and pushing him into a seated position on the bed, hushing his protests as she does. Once seated she drops to her knees between his legs and slides her hands up his thighs and to his fly. After a moment of fiddling she undoes the button and zipper and slides his pants down to his knees. His dick pops free and is immediately snatched by his sister. 

“Oh, its bigger than I expected, I must admit. How does it feel for your sister to be holding your cock Dave?” 

She gives a small stroke to emphasize, that she was in fact holding his dick.

“Rose, if this is going to happen can you please not call our sibling-hood into focus every six seconds? It feels alright, probably a bit better if you would hurry up and get to jerking though.”

She gives his dick a too hard squeeze and frowns at him.

“Now now Dave, be patient. I’ll get to it when I’m good and ready.”

She thinks about letting go of his dick to prove her point. She could just take her hands off and cross her arms, leaving him high and dry. It would certainly teach him a lesson about being so impatient. Then again, it would be slightly awkward to just sit there doing nothing with his dick out. Maybe she could pull out her phone and do some reading to seem really disint-

“Ahem.”

Rose is pulled out of her clouded state of thought by Dave’s cough, realizing that she has been simply holding her brother’s dick, staring directly at it, for some amount of time. She blushes lightly in embarrassment and starts stroking his entire length slowly. 

“You know, if you wanted to look that badly you could have just asked.”

She looks up at him and cocks an eyebrow, still stroking him.

“So, you mean to say that had I asked to see your dick you would have obliged, even though I’m your sister? And to think you were calling this fucked up not long ago.”

“And to think that you said men and incest weren’t high on your list of things to try. Yet here you are jerking me off."

“That’s different!”

She blushes and looks away from him as he laughs, still stroking his dick. After a while she looks up at him again.

“This is to help my brother with his indefinite boner, and in the interest of trying to speed things up, I’m going to use my mouth. Tell me when you get close, otherwise I’ll castrate you.”

“Only if you promise to swallow.”

She rolls her eyes and ignores him. She licks the length of the underside of his penis before taking the head in her mouth. Dave inhales deeply as she does but otherwise maintains his cool. As her head starts to bob along his cock he removes her headband and runs his hands through her hair, gently sighing. He can’t help but think about how amazing her mouth feels around him, almost like she was made for him. He grips her hair and she takes the cue to increase her speed, all while dancing her tongue around his twitching cock. A few moments later Dave’s dick starts to spurt copious amounts of jizz directly into his sister’s mouth just as their mother opens the door. Rose pulls off Dave’s dick, coughing and dribbling his jizz down her chin. Their mother looks on in horror at the scene. 

“I’m gay, so, this totally doesn’t even count.”

Dave says it without a moments hesitation while his sister recovers from the unexpected entrance of jizz to her mouth. She too quickly speaks up once clearing her mouth of the offending substance.

“Me too.”

Her response is just as effective, which is to say: not effective at all. Their mother backs out of the room and closes the door, the same horror stricken look still present on her face. Rose then shoots a glare directly at Dave.

“I thought I told you to warn me.”

“I thought I said only if you promised to swallow?”

Rose groans and stands up.

“Now that mom has seen me eating your dick do you think she’s going to disown us?”

Dave simply shrugs in response before standing up and fixing his pants and underwear, covering his now flaccid dick.

“Just tell her why my dick had to be ate, I’m sure she’ll understand.”

“Dave, your pretenses were about as flimsy as cooked noodle, if cooked noodles were somehow capable of being so flimsy that science has yet to comprehend how something could be so flimsy. If you think you convinced me with your act you are sorely mistaken, and I doubt mom would be so willing to play along.”

“Wait, you mean you knew all along?”

“Dave, you must think I was born yesterday.”

And with a roll of her eyes she leaves his room, leaving Dave to contemplate the consequences of the event alone.

Epilogue-Part One

TT: You came far sooner than I was hoping.

TG: oh so were talking about this now?

TT: Of course, I still have yet to have my turn.

TG: yeah well, mom hasnt exactly let us both out of her sight at the same time for like a month

TT: Yes, I’m well aware of this atrocity. Her face seems to have stuck in that expression she made also. That being said, I’m willing to leave my door unlocked tonight, open for any stranger to enter while the home is asleep. 

TG: with the stranger being me i assume

TT: Yes, I was trying to avoid spelling it out but here is my explicit plan in every detail. I will leave my door unlocked, you will sneak across the house, enter my room, and fuck me with my face down so mom doesn’t hear. 

TG: im not sure if that is exactly an equal repayment for services rendered 

TT: Don’t act as if you won’t love every second of it. Beside, you came in my mouth without warning me and I haven’t castrated you, so if anything this is a reward. But only because I am currently horny as hell, not because you deserve any reward.

TG: so

TG: is this going to be a thing???

TT: Maybe. We’ll see if your performance is as much of a let down as last time. Just bring condoms, I would hate to be the mother of our incestuous creations.


End file.
